Tookshire

30 Day Husband Encouragement Challenge: Day 6

So...I haven't had the time to spend with my husband...it's been an unusally busy week for the two of us.  He's working every day of his off duty (some mandatory).  The one day he was home, I literally passed out from exhaustion myself.  I will say that I've allowed myself to become so exhausted that what little communication with me hasn't been pleasant for him.  I don't intend to be, and in the midst of it I'm wondering how in the world did I get to this point.  Basically, little internal tempertantrums or whatnot have eeked out. 

Day Six:
"...whatever ye do, do all to the glory of God." 1 Cor. 10:31b

Do you recognize and appreciate your husband's creativity? Or do you criticize and demean his efforts? Instead of negativity, determine to be positive. Perhaps you can help your husband see that his efforts are an opportunity to glorify God.

Is your husband the "creative" type? Does he have any artistic gifts? What is that special "knack" he has? Affirm him for his handiwork - a hobby, music, gardening, tinkering with cars, working with wood, etc. Remember: Even if he doesn't measure up to your standards, praise his efforts. If your budget allows, buy him a book or magazine that will continue to encourage his special skill or talent.

If you have a hard time finding his "creative side," understand that men's creativity sometimes is related to their work. Find something he does to make his job run more smoothly or something he does that adds value to his work...and let him know that you have noticed.

Make his day...Praise his accomplishments in public, while he is listening.

30 Day Husband Encouragement Challenge: Day 5

Franklin's schedule and mine haven't matched up in a couple of days...thus the lack of posts for the challenge.  I won't see him until tomorrow in the wee hours (if I'm awake enough to stay up that late).  In advance, I'm submitting Challenge #5

Day Five:
"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers." Eph. 4:29

Another way to describe the positive side of this "30-Day Encouragement Challenge" is by using the word "edify," which means, "to build up." Negative comments only discourage and tear down. Positive comments encourage and build.

Do you edify your husband before others, adding to his value in their eyes? This is especially important to other family members.

Do you praise your husband to his relatives, and yours? Does your husband's mother know how much you love him? How about your dad? Perhaps you can drop a word of praise into a conversation or letter. Be creative in letting your relatives know that you respect your husband, love him, and support him - in spite of whatever flaws and weaknesses he may have.

30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge: Day 4

Just a reminder, I'm following the 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge.  Are you up to joining me?

Day Four:
"...let him labor, working with his hands what is good..." Eph. 4:28

We are all accountable for the things we say, both negative and positive words. Have you embraced the challenge to speak only positive things to your husband and to others about him? Here's a suggestion that touches the core of your husband's world.

Some women take their husband's career for granted, and they show it in many ways. Do you "dump" on your husband at the end of the workday, or do you strengthen and encourage him with your words? A wise wife will make her husband feel that she values and appreciates his work. Let him know that you are glad he is a hard worker. Take opportunities to praise his diligence and resourcefulness to others.

If your husband is out of work, unable to work, or refuses to work, you'll need to be more creative. Praise him for a character quality that you see in him that would be a vital part of a successful career - such as persistence, decisiveness, strength, an analytical mind, organizational skills, good with people, good listener, determination, etc.

30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge: Day 3

My husband and I did not see much of each other during my Day 3 challenge.  What was covered, I pretty much took care of with Day 1 & 2. 

"...love suffers long, and is kind..." 1 Cor. 13:4
"And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:19

Love indeed suffers long and is kind. As you consider your Encouragement Challenge, determine today that you will not say anything negative to or about your husband. Speak kindly to him with words of genuine encouragement.

If your husband is considerate of your needs, let him know that you have noticed. Thank him for his kindness and consideration. Thank the Lord that your husband knows how to be both tough and tender.

Sometimes it's difficult for a man to be gentle, kind or tender - especially if he hasn't had role models in these areas. If he's not a considerate person, appeal to him for help without complaining. Let him know that it's hard for you to handle some things alone. Then, when he moves in to help, don't insist that he do it your way. Be glad that he is responding, and express your gratitude.

Ultimately, you can't expect your husband to make you feel more secure, loved, etc. Remember that only God can meet the deepest needs of your heart.

While I can't say that this particular assignment hit a chord with me (just isn't a factor) I did recognize a behavioral flaw in myself...one that used to be ginormous.  Unless something is going to break, bleed or die, I just don't see the benefit in complaining as a tool to manipulate husbands who are helping to help in the way we deem appropriate.  I hear so many people complain about how little their husbands do, but then when the husband takes action, they are critiqued.  While not a marital relationship, my maternal grandmother will complain, to this day, about how my father would simply sit in a corner of the living room when my family came to visit.  She complains about how he did such and such a task -- but only after she "hinted" that something needed to be done.  She gives credit for his "change" in attitude the last couple of years because now he is doing things -- but then quickly adds condemnation about how she knows he does more for his own mother (who, by the way, doesn't control how he helps).  I've heard this all of my life, and quite frankly, her need for control has given her less results with my father and less respect from myself. 

My husband and I (well, maybe just me) fought for years over folding towels.  I hate laundry.  With. A. Passion.  Folding towels may far be the easiest and more pleasant task on laundry day, but I dislike it all the same.  Franklin came from a homelife that didn't require chores, so he didn't come with what I assumed would have been natural towel-folding abilities.  Bless his heart, he would pitch in with certain household duties (often without being asked) and I literally ground my teeth flat becoming upset because he folded towels in thirds first and in half second, when clearly (I then felt) everyone knew towels should be folded in half first and second and only in thirds during the last folding operation.  My reasoning?  My mother made such a catastrophic impression about the wrong folding of towels when I was a girl that I honestly felt the world could end if done another way.  My ingracious behavior caused what...a lessening in the amount Franklin was willing to do for fear of unleashing my anger...and a lessening in how much he could trust me. 

Please, consider what your motives are if you are experiencing such things in your marriage now.  My towel folding hang-up is only one of a few that I can think of...and nothing seemed silly to me while going through it.  I allowed these things to become symbolic of what was wrong in our marriage when in reality what was wrong was my attitude.

30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge: Day 2

Day Two:
"...through love serve one another." Gal. 5:13b

How did you do yesterday with your first day of blessing and encouraging your husband? Was it easy? Was it hard to hold your tongue when you wanted to say something negative? We hope you're off to a good start. (If you blew it, don't give up - start again today!) There are so many practical things you can praise, if you look for them.

Today, find some way that your husband is serving you or your family. Does he help around the house? Take care of the car? Fix things that are broken? If your budget allows, give him a new, small tool with a big bow attached. But make sure he doesn't think it's part of a "Honey Do" list!

Maybe your husband's not a handyman, but does he run errands for you? Let you go first? Take care of you when you are sick? Help you make decisions? Praise him for his willingness to serve others. Let him know that you see his unique service as a great strength.

Today, October 22, is our anniversary.  He's planned, somewhat, our whole day (leaving some things open just so we don't feel "scheduled.")  While Franklin and I are very alike in most ways, our idea of leisure is kinda polar.  He likes walking through the woods, visiting the beach...hmm...basically anything outside and walking...walking fast.  Your Jamie is more not liking outside things for extended periods until the weather is nice and "Florida-cold."   I like to walk and look at things...sightseeing.  So tomorrow will be a mix of the two of us.  My gift to him is to accept what he wants and really stick to it.  He's pretty sweet at not including most of his activities during date-nights, etc.  And since tomorrow is all about reflecting on our past together, and dreaming about our future, I plan on trying to find a lot of little ways to let him know how grateful I am that we survived our more tulmultous years.  His commitment wasn't just to me, but to God...believe me, I think if it had just been to me, we wouldn't have lasted.  His faith is so strong that he can take the bad, even when I'm sure it appeared to be neverending, because it was a commitment he made *in love* to God. 

Believe it or not, I used to be jealous of that fact.  I saw it as an insult that it wasn't necessarily me he was sticking around for...and I saw a lot of my friends marriages become corrupt or even end because the commitment was to the wife or marriage and not God.   I don't know really what I responded to with Franklin.   There were times when I knew I couldn't survive the marriage (and, if truth be told, I exasperated a number of our issues).  While I don't know what can guarantee a marriage between any two given people, I do think that this unique love that exists in a willingness to follow God even in the valley is so beneficial to a marriage.  It must be an exhausting thing, if you (reader) happen to be filling the role in your marriage that my husband filled in ours.  I hear so many women who are hurting because they are the ones carrying a burden in their hearts for their husband, and are committed to their bond with God in being obedient to His word.  I've seen hearts break, and have shed tears with a those who were abandoned.  I'm sorry for that.  And I know you can feel abandoned while still sharing the same roof.  I wish I could offer some words of encouragement.  I know they are there, but I can't pull them out of me...just know that my heart is there with you. 

30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge: Day 1

A wonderful group of ladies and myself are all at different stages of taking the 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge.  At some point in the following week I plan on doing a little mini-side bar on my site to link their accountability-posts.  I'm looking forward to reading their insights as well, and thought my readers might as well. 

My entries will be at odd hours because of my husband's shifts (and my free time).  Yesterday (Saturday, October 21, 2006) is was my Day 1.  Not only was this the day before our anniversary, but it was also following a couple of really hard weeks for us in handling outside stress.  Franklin and I don't see each other very often, and lately his "time off" isn't really his own to do with as he pleases.  When we do eek out time for each other, sometimes our brains are just too tired to indulge in each others presence the way we might hope.  One of the reasons why I wanted to pick up the 30-Day Challenge is because I found that I was overwhelmed by his attempts to support me in the last couple of weeks.  For me, I'm starting this challenge out on a very positive note...rather than (as in the past) feeling as if I have to learn something through this challenge, I'm actually excited about giving.  And I think that it will help me in my healing  process (depression mainly).

The following was the "assignment" and scripture reading:

Day One:
"The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life." Prov. 31:11-12

To refresh your memory...here's the 30-Day Encouragement Challenge...for the next 30 days:
* You can't say anything negative about your husband ...to your husband...or to anyone else, about your husband.
* Say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband...to your husband...and to someone else, about your husband!

To help you get started, have you ever thanked your husband for "choosing you" above all other women? He found you attractive as a person, and appreciated you. Though many circumstances in your marriage may have changed, let your husband know that you are glad God led you together, and that you want to be a blessing to him for the rest of your marriage. Let him know that he can trust you to be in his corner.

One of the best opportunities to express your gratitude is first thing in the morning. How do you greet your husband each morning? Is he confident in your love? Give him a "wake up call" that he'll never forget-a big "I love you" and an "I'm so glad I'm your wife!"

You won't believe (well, perhaps you would) how often I hear women talking about their husbands as if they are referring to little boys.  Is this cute?  Sometimes, I'm sure, it is meant to be.  Other times, I think it is a way of getting in a little dig while trying to pull empathy from the women who are in their "audience."  Personally, I think teasing in this manner leads us to devalue their position...and honestly, I think that it is a bit demeaning to the man himself.  And doesn't it make it a little easier, when we are angry, that we've already built this habit of looking at them as smaller than ourselves?  Am I the only one who thinks this way?

I don't think I had a sense of this before I was the object who was being "playfully" talked down about by another man (not my husband...it was a comment stereotyping women as gossips and nagging for the sake of nagging).  While the comment wasn't meant for me directly, it was directed towards a group of women whom I belonged.  The gentleman thought it was funny, and was trying to make a point pertinent to the discussion at the time.  When called out for his humor, in his embarrassment he opted to defend his comment with one of "those" apologies and an exertion of what he should have said.  No matter.  Still, I thought to myself, that his little comment was put similiarly to how I hear women discuss their husbands.

Having said that, I will say that I'm mean in a fight.  So I'm not above being "ouched" by today's assignment.   But I will tell you that I'm a tame kitten from whence I came.  One of the best things in our marriage has been my concious efforts to keep challenge #1 a constant (not that I'm infallible).  Building up him to him opens up our communication and has helped us during those patches when it would be easier to allow external stress to send us drifting apart.  Speaking lovingly and supportedly about my husband, even in a positive teasing way (meaning he is not to look bad, put down, or betrayed) has a physical affect for me, personally.  It helps me to hear me, I guess.  It also helps me to recognize what a fantastic guy my Franklin is.

Last night he we talked about some of our stressers when he put his arm around me saying that he could not go through this with anyone else.  I asked him what he meant (knowing what he meant) and he did a quick  little testament to our bond in marriage.  Did that make me feel good?  You betcha.  I pulled up yesterday's post, highlighted the "perfect match" comment and showed it to him.  He didn't really react other than to say aloud that I'm saying nice things about him to others.  Because of the way our life is structured at the moment, he doesn't really have the opportunity to see/know that I do speak about him like that to others.

I couldn't wake him up with a big hug and kiss, but we went to bed with my saying I was so glad he chose to marry me.