I've apparently been through some deep level of depression. I've realized that I have pulled away from everyone...at first it was easy...people were sooo cooperative because I was sooo irritating (argumentative, short-tempered and sharp-tongued). Even those who I reached out to (and managed to shield them from what I was turning into) seemed to disappear.
Then I was knocked out with this flu like thing the last couple of days. And, boy, was I alone then. And I still want to be alone. I love being alone. I love having the time...the actual time...to do what I want and when I want (luckily everything I've wanted to do has been stationary). I've studied, I've researched, I've watched tv shows that I love and movies that were terrible but still suckered me into crying. To a large extent I haven't read as much as I used to, once upon a time. And I've put away a couple under my belt. Granted, one of them was homeschool-related...but it was one I assigned because I love it. I had forgotten, however, how depressing reading a book can be. I had forgotten that if you attach yourself to a character in the book and the book ends (even if it is a happy ending) it is like a little death. That character is gone now. Memories can be revisited, but it isn't new again. Ah, Beowulf.
On the heals of that statement, I'm going to completely contradict myself by saying that ...woo! Picking up a very Old Book I've discovered something new. Well, perhaps most people already know/see it...but I'm just so jazzed, because it was something that I suspected, something I was taught contrary....and even just recently was a little heated in conversation with a new person in my circle because this person reasserted what the contrary teaching was and I bit at him as if he owned the world's mindset. Luckily I'm so charming because it was a spirited conversation and I don't think that my little trip was marked.
I'm trying to put it together now...through my flu symptoms. But I'll give you a hint: Jethro and the Great Commission (and no...this isn't a Southern thing, LOL...it'll be my working title...and the next Bible Study).
Posted by: Maria | Thursday, February 22, 2007 at 09:18 PM