Tookshire

All of Me

I've recently talked about wanting to start fresh, blogwise...admittedly I didn't have so much as a theme...I just knew I wanted focus, and I knew that the focus needed to be something deep within me.  While my eyes are on God, I have to say that I'm very neglectful with this vessel he's given me (um, that'd be me).  I don't like me. very. much.  And to make a short story shorter, that is the problem.  At the root of my bad choices, that one fact sits.  Oh, I love myself not to do myself obvious insane harm or take unnecessary risks like free falling off of Niagra Falls (I'm such a chicken).  But it is why I put myself last, not because I'm such a great mom or wife.  Honestly, I cater to myself quiet often...I indulge in my OCD and SA, my over eating, my laziness with exercise, my procrastination with my lost love of reading.  I excuse myself quite often from a rich prayer life, and seldom is the laundry caught up...which allows me to pamper myself in sweats, t-shirt, no-bra and a pony tail.  So, when I say I don't take time for myself...I mean I don't invest, I don't aspire, and I don't encourage.   I do at least that much for my children and my husband...but in those parameters, I put myself last.  That's not what I want to be about.  That's not what I even want.  Well, no pain, no gain; nothing good ever came easy; and a bunch of other cliche's that mean, "Get moving, girl!"

I once belonged to a church whose motto was Standing Firm But Not Standing Still.  I adored that as a motto, and wanted to take it as my own.  Somewhere along the way, however, while I stood Firm, I was also standing still...and the ground shook me off base without my realizing it.  Well, that's not entirely true.  I realized it; but, I just didn't appreciate it.

What's all this have to do with blogging?  Well...I could just go blithely posting posts here on Tookshire...or I can allow myself a shot at starting over in a place that I can trace my accomplishments.  See, I never ever feel as if I have anything to show.  Those readers who are mom's can appreciate that while we can take little isolated things in our position as mom's (or even wives) as accomplishments, for all intents and purposes, those things are a never-ending story.  I want something I can shut the book on later.  Sure, the roots planted or the lessons learned might continue, but I want to look back down the mountain and know how far I've climbed when I reach the top.  (A bit over dramatic, but it works for me.)  I've been in the valley, too long my friends, and I need another perspective.  I need to go to that mountaintop retreat so that I can again descend into the valley for work, having been renewed and rejuvinated.

All this to invite you to take a peek, or to bookmark, or what not, a sub-site of the Tookshire board.  Those who have visited Tookshire "live" may have noticed my new swanky pre-defined theme.  With that new swanky pre-defined theme, you may have noticed (and why wouldn't you if you were observant ~snark) a new addition to the sidebar called "Tookshire Domain."  There you'll find some of my defunct or under construction (still lacking updates since 2004) places, but you'll also find a link for my 2007 aspirations entitled All of Me.  That's where I think I'm going to be found for the majority of 2007 (in fact, you can take that to the bank).  I'll still post on the main page, here, but my focus will be journaled at the All of Me site.  My catalyst for blogging there is, to examine this relationship I have with myself...and to understand why I so much don't like this being, this person whom God loves so dearly.  I want to stand rightly in my relationship with Him, so I'm going on this journey.  And now I'm going to blatently ask that you once in a while drop in for comments to give me that little extra helping hand.  My blogging goal is to type on something at least once every evening...with pictures (either my own or ripped off the web ... honestly of course).  I don't care for the layout, but mixed media doesn't give you  options...and I really wanted that calendar option to help me visually trace myself. 

I'm not sure how the site over there will develop.  Weight is a big issue for me, so that's what I ended up starting out with over there.  My regular jibber jabber can still be found here...and likely I'll post all my biblecentric things on this site, just because I think it is easier for those of you who have come into the habit of dropping by for my Feasts of the Lord postings.  OK...I suspect that's it...I look forward to seeing you!

What I'm reading...what you should be reading

On Tuesday, Cynthia shared (via her blog, Gracie's Heart) her story with us and those who attended the Breast Cancer Body Image Workshop for the Arts for the C.U.R.E.  It's truly insightful, uplifting, heartbreaking and encouraging.  Go read it here.

Typepad Users...a quick poll/request

I'm having a bit of difficulty with Typepad for the last month and I just want to check on something.

You have the option of selecting a category for each post you submit.  If you so choose, you can also select multiple categories (for example, you might have select both Entertainment and Music when blogging about a concert).  Additionally, if a category doesn't exists that suits your topic, you can always add a new category.

When choosing either of those options, Typepad uses popup windows to finish your selection.  Now, I've never had a problem with this in the past - most of my archived stuff crosses multiple categories...which is the way I want them.  In fact, not only was that one of the big factors of my choosing Typepad, but I also like the ease/convient factor of where/how those options are laid out while composing a post.

For the last month these options have been non-functional.  While I can still select from the preset or previously added drop down menu, I can no longer choose multiple categories nor create new ones.  The popup window simply doesn't show up...and the category box sits there without so much as  a peep to tell me that the popup window isn't going to show.

All other pop-up windows with Typepad work...which tells me that the problem is a narrow one...only one drop down box is bad.  I've had typepad for a couple of years (renewed earlier this year in fact) and have never had this problem before.  I've made no changes in anything to my computer, but the techs are suggesting that it is my AOL because Typeapd doesn't support AOL.  I am not buying that as my problem, because my AOL - Typepad existence worked just fine lo these many years, and it is Typepad's one function that I'm irked with.

So, I'm not letting them close the ticket just yet.

But, I'd like to ask ... can you experiment a little ... can you go to your Typepad Compose page and experiment with your multiple category and add category features?  Could you pop back here and let me know if yours works? 

Thanks!

Leanne

I'll tell you a secret.  I'm lousey at reading other people's blog since the whole incident with my son a year ago.  I blog, I write and I can email in response to yours...but I've been terribly inactive with proactive communication.  I love bloglines because it tallies everything up for me...though I'm lazy there too as I also keep blogs in my IP's Favorites section.  One of these days I have to combine.  I wonder if those of you who haven't heard from me in a while know I do take a peek at you now and again...though those of you who are only allowing a snippet via RSS feeds are making it harder.  LOL

Don't take this personally.  I love all of you equally.  And while I hardly think I comment enough on Leanne's site for her to notice, I want to be her when I grow up.  There are some bloggers that I truly truly admire and love reading...and they usually are read last...it's part of my OCD I think - I always save my favorite food on the plate for last too.  This (reading habit) usually has those readers backed up...so if I only pop in every couple of weeks to a month, it's because you are one of my favs. 

So what is it about Leanne?  Well, she's just as cute as a button on a little girls prarie dress for one.  (though you all are lookers).  But she just does so much.  I freeze up when it comes to things that I want to do, or want to try.  Even simple things because I have it in my head that things won't turn out perfect and anything less than perfect just shows that I myself am not perfect...and while that is no secret even from myself, that realization hurts.  Childhood thing.  But Leanne just does sooo much that I'm finding I want to try things too.  At the moment, I'm doing that stupid back and forth thing a person does before taking a leap.  What is that, anyway?

And she teaches.  Like right now she's sharing about the Amish.  I know, I know...I'm in Florida, not remotely Amish myself...so what interest would it have to hold?  Oh my goodness, that's a silly question.  A person can always learn, can always apply and can always challenge their own lives by listening, really listening!  (The link above has everything typed up in reverse order - go check it out.)  I don't know why I chose to highlight her blog today - cause now I feel all guilty that I didn't highlight anyone else's blog. 

Follow the link to a Faboo Cheesecake Recipe

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Tookshire&nextdate=5%2f30%2f2004+23%3a59%3a59.999

First Fruits - yea, you know me

First - if you haven't read the previous post, you should know that everytime I have a deadline (or promote a self-imposed deadline for blogging) something always happens.  Apologies.

Second - no one answered the little prep brain teaser, so I'm not apologizing that hard.  (I laugh.)

Third - Here's a larf that goes out to the super secret emailers (they haven't asked...I'm just letting them know...and the rest of you know)...that while Easter was being celebrated, so was I...First Fruits in the a.m. was the same day we received the Good News...scratch that, the GREAT News, according to the NT.  This year (2006) they all happened to share the slot on both calendars.  (the holiday actually began the evening prior according to the calendar, but daylight/morning is daylight/morning!!)

Fourth - OK, again, with apologies (see last post) I'll post something up here shortly (likely not today) pertaining to the First Fruits...and while that is super wonderful and everything, the next few days will almost completely be absorbed with preparing you for the last of the spring feasts...any guess on what it is and what significance it plays in your world today? 

Fifth - For those of you easedropping, I'll also start addressing things brought up through Maria's question in the comment section last week.  Oh, and Maria...you said you had others...if you want to email them or leave them here, or whatever...that's cool with me, too.

Sixth - I was so fortunate this morning.  I couldn't sleep (again, last post!!) with all my anxiety and tummy in knots.  Who should appear but my lovely friend, Zoe!  She and I have never been able to talk in "real time" because she is on the other side of the Atlantic...I really enjoyed our talk, hon.  Thanks for taking my mind off things for a while.

Seventh & Last - Computer is acting up...so no spell check for fear I'll loose it all.

Questions, Answers, and Replies from the Comments (hey, there’s even baptism in here)

I’m nothing if not untimely.  Procrastinating cleaning brings out the desire to blog.  I’m finally responding to a month’s worth of remarks from my comment sections.  So snuggle up, children, this is a long one.

Eye Surgery

First, thanks to everyone who responded in the comment sections of all the eye-posts with encouragement and acknowledgement of prayer for my son. 

I received this comment via email only from Teri and am assuming those who are praying specifics for my son might have had the same question (if the surgery was for the eye or the eye sight):

No, this one isn't about the eye sight.  The eye sight one is the one we are trying to get to, but we have to still fight to keep the eye ball.  You know how people can be blind without having to loose their natural eye?  Well, that isn't the case with Maxwell.  The eye itself was so damaged during the injury and subsequent "healing" processes/time that there was/is a real danger that the eye will not be allowed to remain.  For example, there is a delicate balance of materials within the eye that the body doesn't replenish.  It keeps the eye round, and "fresh."  Without it, the eye is deflated, and not "round shaped"...because of the injury in the middle of the eye, things like optical cords, blood vessels, etc are affected.  I'm not scientific at all, but in the end, the eye could either be just dead - meaning blind and just sitting there, or dead as in it starts to decay and needs to be removed.  At this point, we are trying to get the eye in a healthy state so that we know it will not have to be removed.  Doing this will then obviously allow for the opportunity to then (once we have reached optimum health) work at restoring (or trying to restore) eye sight for my son.  We know that he'll not return to regular eye sight...so to what extent he'll heal, we don't know.  The surgery we are expecting to have in April is basically a tweaking of the surgery we had in February.  The shunt was put into place to help alleviate some of the pressure that was occurring from the eye not being able to drain properly.  (I'm guessing here, but I think that the internal scaring and weakened ability of the eye doesn't allow for it to naturally pass certain things through like it does in your/my eye).  The shunt funnels this extra build up out of the eye itself, and allows the body to then just absorb the material.  At this point, pressure is high, meaning that the shunt or its tubing is not working, or at least blocked somehow.  I'm not clear what the med changes do exactly, but the doctor is asking for a week or two (now on the second week) to see if surgery can be averted.  I suspect success with med changes will better pinpoint the problem (eliminate different problematic possibilities).

Misc. Notes from Baptismal Study: Case for Rebaptism should have been found here

Misty responded to my post with the following:  “Which leads to yet another rabbit trail. Acts 19:5 "And when they heard this they were baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. And when Paul had laid his hands upon them, the Holy Ghost came on them and they spake with tongues and prophesied." Are there then, as some people ascertain, TWO baptisms?? One in water, one in the Holy Ghost? I know you are going to LOVE me for that one! LOL!” 

Isn’t she nice, isn’t she sweet?  No, she’s not.  She knows I rabbit trail all over the space…and she’s just tossing hurtles to my goal.  LOL. 

Seriously, I found this comment interesting because she mentioned two baptisms.  I, in all honesty, never knew that the two baptism mindset was not universally accepted.  Of course there are two baptisms, that is scriptural.  So I was scratching my head thinking why would it be questioned?  Ah…not so much a rabbit trail at all (and thus Misty remains on my good side).  It is the purpose and direction which is the real question.  (If I’m understanding correctly).  Is the baptism we are required to have the one of the Spirit (thinking tongues of fire, slain in the spirit and other very dramatic representations) or in the water (dunking, sprinkling, pouring both the young and/or the old).  My understanding, which admittedly is very limited, is that the main stream thought could be that one can not receive the baptism of the Spirit without first having the baptism in water.  But the stipulation is that one must be a believer before one receives the water baptism.  Thus, belief, water baptism and then Holy Spirit reception is the order I understand adult only baptism to be.  Which then begs the question of what hinders the Holy Spirit (if at all).  Dang it all…it is a rabbit trail.  OK, I thought I’d just be able to jot something quickly, but now that idea is all thrown to the wind.  Thanks a lot Misty.

Behind the Scenes: Preparing the House

This was a rather scary post for some.  Remember those chore lists your mother gave you?  They’ve got nothing on this one…and its only high end.  In the past I’ve posted about a few of the Feasts of the Lord and I certainly intend on posting on them again this year (well, cutting and pasting older stuff).  Having felt that I’ve already been there done that, I thought I’d throw up a little of the behind the scene type activities for each this year.  Of course, it was to be in series form…and one that I’ve neglected to continue due to family / medical stuff.  I’m going to brush up on that (so goes my plan) and pre-post a handful of things.  In the last couple of months, however, I’ve had comments and emails from people asking about the feasts themselves…in particular the Passover.  I’ve been giddy to meet a handful of ladies who also observe these things in their home, or are at least interested in learning how/why they might start.  I’ve also had a couple who are just interested in learning the history behind it for purely intellectual reasons.

Here’s a quote from the original article, “Before we hit personal applications I want you to be completely overwhelmed at the task at hand, LOL...there's a purpose which, I hope, will become clearer as we go through the month together…I would warn against those who are … attempting to take this on for the first time without comprehending anything about what you are doing.  This ... is not something you can claim to observe and then leave this step out.  The crux of it all is on this act, and you simply aren't observing if you aren't doing this thing...it's educational and applicable. ” Teri wrote asking for clarity on one of the chores…specifically cleaning books.  She asked if I am merely dusting the books in the book shelves.  The answer would be no.  I’m removing each individual book, dusting the shelves, and then before replacing the books in their positions, I’m cleaning each book.  I’d like to address the idea of levin in more detail (which I think will help illustrate my actions) in a future post.  Remember, I mentioned that there is a purpose for the process.  There is a lesson to be learned.  How often do we, as believers, know something without it truly being anchored in our hearts and minds so that when we have to face something (either a trial, temptation or other hard part in our lives) the knowledge is fleeting?  Trust me…Passover was given to the people of God to be repeated over and over again as a tool for instruction.  The law and the Feasts were given for the children (you and I as well) to instruct and teach.  Teri, during a WAH chat, said she just wanted me to tell her what she needed to know, rather than having to be taught a lesson.  Bless her, isn’t that what we all want?  Trust me…this very basic truth that we all know will take a different root in us if you truly follow the parameters for preparing the home.  Back to books…each and every book is opened, shaken, and cleaned, then dusted and replaced back into it’s shelf.  Very time consuming.  To Teri’s particular question about things in boxes…I’d love to be nice, Teri, but then you’d never learn, LOL. 

{emotional outburst} and Where I've Been

“{emotional outburst}” was a tear soaked February posting about how alone and basically homeless I felt concerning community with fellow believers, and how heartbroken I felt over matters concerning faith, sacraments, etc.  “Where I’ve Been” was an early March posting detailing my absence and accomplishments against wanting to withdraw socially.  Many thanks to Zoë, Teri and CJ  for their cyber hugs.

"That grey-haired guy" (AI)

Bopping around blogs and some boards I noticed those of us watching or semi-watching American Idol really have an admiration for "that grey-haired guy."  He really is very good, which makes it sad that no one remembers his name...just that he has grey-hair and moves like Ray Charles (which bothers me a bit).

So...regardless of my sidebar of news, I occassionally trip over the entertainment draws of the internet, where I found this little gem of info: The grey-haired guy actually released a CD last month.

Here's the link for the info.

fyi

I'm putting this up as an fyi (just in case).

I'm, for the first time, trying to add some background to my blog rather than just the template/colors through Typepad.  Most of the directions from Typepad don't really address plainly what I'm trying to do...and the helps through google that I'm coming up with (dealing with css...what to place and where) is over my head.  I've been sitting up for hours and finally decided to do a view-source on one of the places that did templates and said it was ok to meddle with it, for learning, but not for profit or view.  I took all their stuff off, just leaving up the code telling me where borders were positioned.  I uploaded (over the last month or so) some free gif's and have experimented with them for backgrounds.  I've been sitting here for appx two hours trying to figure out what I did...because I had everything just perfect, when I decided to try something else (wondered what tinkering with a little bit of code would do ... found it made a little tiny picture spot available in the lower left hand of the screen).  Cute, I thought...and tried, with another gif from another freebie place.  The script was from the original template (again, positioning, size, etc).  Didn't like what I saw, and delted both the script and the image.  And now I'm receiving an "image not found" mini banner thing down towards the bottom.  I'm looking at the script, even tried deleting everything from CSS and tried to pick a standard typepad template to fix the problem...in effect, taking everything off that I did tonight.  I've republished the entire blog...and yet...I don't see a change ... at all.  It's after 2a and I have the flu, and I'm off to bed.  I'll try to fix this later, and if anyone here is more learned at this sort of thing I would appreciate advice. For now, I'm off to bed. 

I'm putting off cleaning right now

http://tookshire.typepad.com/diet_riot/ has been updated (you should need a password).  I'm still putting everything together over there.  I'm typing something off line about what I'll try to do in the next couple of weeks.  I haven't found a diet, persay... have you found that it is so expensive to eat healthy in the city?  It's unreal...and while I don't have junk food I certainly don't have a lot in the way of most diet menus.  So...until we catch up with pay, I'm choosing to go the low calorie route without actually having to taste diet-made foods (lite, carb-free, 2%...that sort of thing).  Yesterday I did well...and actually kept eating just so I'd get a high % in some vitamins.  I was stuffed.  Today, not so hot...and I've eaten less...what blew it for me was having a sandwich with hummus.  I never thought to look at either packaging (bread or hummus) for calories...and well, I'm in the whole meaning I really shouldn't eat anymore today.  Yikes! Supper will not be skipped.  I've learned to be more aware that's all.

Tomorrow our church is hosting a patriotic themed cookout after services tomorrow.  Everything is to be outside (though, I suspect it will be moved inside as the rainy season is already upon us).  I'm not going to scrimp on calories today so that I can eat tomorrow.  Yes, I'll be safe and reasonable in what I choose, but you know what?  Weight gain doesn't happen from the holiday feasts and nibblings...it is the day to day eating that builds up and the inactivity.  My philosophy right now (taking the mindset of doing opposite everything I've done to loose weight in the past) is to not feel defeated or deprived on special occassions and rather to harness eating habits in other areas.

Guess what?  Down two pounds already.

And guess what else?  I purchased a bike to ride.  I should have purchased decent running/walking shoes...but there was one bike left at this low price.  It's a guy bike, which means it is a bit more challenging for me to get on and off...but I can take this one on the beach this winter, and it'll go on grass...so maybe I can take it to some parks. 

Franklin left with Max and Olivia to visit his parents.  I'm in a bit of a gruff and mopey mood so I'm just glad to have some solitary time.  Epiphany went to my maternal grandmother's house last evening.  She won't be returning until later this evening.  With all the cleaning I did while they were gone, I feel I have just as much to do today.  It should only take a short while...but the mood I'm in. 

Had expected company this weekend, but never heard a firm date and time...so I'm surprised the house was allowed to get this far gone.  Of course, a lot of it is paper work and that's me.  I've been scanning some pictures into the computer...but my scanner is slower than the PC I fear.  I can only accomplish a few handful a day.  Perhaps I'll post them shortly.

The next month is going to be a crunch for me...and then we are back to school. The children are to attend an art camp for two weeks, beginning Tuesday.  It's just a daily thing...so my afternoons will be free.  Then I'm going to do a marathon run over towards Pensecola to pick up my eldest neice to bring back here for a summer visit.  I'm waiting to hear if her parents will meet me halfway as they are taking a vacation as well.  With gas prices the way they are it would be helpful.  Particularly as I'll be taking off mid July traveling with my father back to Minnesota.  Grandma should be transitioning back home by then, and there is still much to do to prepare the house for sale.  She won't discuss selling the house to me in two to three years.  She wants to move and to move soon.  I think this is a great part of my mood.  I feel so selfish.