First - I'd apologize putting off the First Fruits post (again) until tomorrow evening. I want (WANT) this one to go first...the meat of which starts a couple paragraphs down. At first the delay was because of the many things here at home that required my attention. I thought I would hit the First Fruits long before the date on the calendar came...typepad doesn't make it easy to pre-post for very long in advance when you have a dial-up (slow, crawling, freezing). So, I allowed myself to be lazy with some of my writing thinking I had a lot of time...and well...best laid plans and all that. So the next post isn't a great, well thought out prewritten post. I am still hesitating to post it because I don't feel it polished enough to match some of the other entries in this series. I've pulled bits and pieces from old vintage posts, and notes I've taken in the past for addressing with the kids. Actually - I have changed my mind...I'll post the First Fruits tomorrow evening because I want people to read this...let this one serve for my next point...
Second - An on-line conversation last night left me with the distinct impression that my original desire to post things about preparing for the Passover Season should have been what I stuck with. I went to the history angle because I recevied requests and questions...and honestly, I was glad to provide such things. I hope that I was adequately offered readers here strong ties to scripture rather than a purely intellectual writing. However, I was convicted to do something, and didn't feel I could have the time (or talent) to match foundational stuff with application and implementation. There is a way to do it...but it wasn't what I did...and I didn't do what I knew I felt led to do...and for that I'm sorry. While the people I spoke with last evening were kind enough to say they gained a lot (thank you, if you are reading) I'm very very heavy hearted that perhaps the message for personal application seemed overwhelming and burdomesome...I set it up with an intial post like that so that the relief and the "aha, got it" moments would sink in deeper. I don't want to just toss something out there now...I want to craft something carefully in prayer for those of you who had a wakening and/or a desire in their hearts to embrace these holidays and then perhaps held back because you judged yourself unable. For leaving you in that place, I am deeply and profoundly ashamed and apologize from my heart. When I am able to post what I hope will rectify this, I'll link it to the archive category, "Feasts of the Lord."
Third - Something is up with either my computer or typepad...I'm trying to update my TypeLists (which create those handy dandy side links) to fully update the "Feasts of the Lord" category. I'll try again later...but the more I mess around with it, the longer it will take me to actually post anything.
Fourth - Man, I've been away from my studies (baptism was one) for such a long time - I never realize how quickly and how much time passes by me during this season. Just before the season started I had something stirring inside me. I'm a bundle of raw nerves...well, perhaps that's not the most accurate picture...I'm sensitive, to what I don't know...this last season exposed me to a lot of my faults, a lot of my needs and a lot of my strengths that I've allowed to become soft with disuse. But there is a hunger of some sort, there's motivation, there's a whole lot of tummy aches (anxiety) like I have a chance at something here, a desire that I want to prepare for...but it's weird...it's like, there's not an aspect of my life that I should set aside for the sake of another right now (like dieting and budget as well as spiritual, ugh). I want to be strong, useful and alert. I realized something last week...I'm great at standing strong when I'm fairly certain...but walking into that dangerous situation last week and nearly not making it out...well, dang. I was impressed that I was able to stand my own (vocally) and I could handle knowing that I was scared...but I totally knew that I couldn't back up anything should anything truly go down. This is a rabbit trail that perhaps only makes sense to me...
With the last couple of weeks worth of observances (and right now I'm still in observance as we count the omer) I've reflected on what I believe and I've thought long and hard about my (and your) brother in Messiah, Sun-li and of Berg, whom I only wish had more time to realize the fruit of his faith. (For those of you who don't remember, click through on the link...we've lost many other brothers and sisters in there...but Sun-li is still before my eyes. You can read my old blog written at the time of his death, here.) In fact, it is that last link that I'm thinking more and more of...or, rather, the sentiments contained there in. I'm leaving next year, I'm determined, to go to the only other place I think I would be both afraid and overwhelmed with love in. And I sit (if you read the last post) knowing that I have much to settle here before I leave.
Recent Comments